Let's Talk About How We All Got Here…
‘Normal People’, the highly acclaimed television programme, adapted from a Sally Rooney novel, shows two 17-year-olds engaging in sexual activities, leading to a mixed response across generations.
Irish people appear incapable of talking about one of the most natural things on the planet. Why are we so afraid of the word sex?
‘Normal People’, the highly acclaimed television programme adapted from Sally Rooney’s award-winning novel, has started a conversation that many people in Ireland don’t ever want to have. Within the storyline, two 17-year-olds, Connell and Marianne, engage in sexual activities (important to remember that the legal age of consent in this country is 17). And yes, that drove some people in Ireland absolutely mad. On the 30th of April, the RTÉ Radio One show ‘Liveline’, hosted by Joe Duffy, decided to discuss the series and its “provocative” scenes.
The show was inundated with calls and comments from listeners who were quite frankly outraged by the fact that young people within the programme were engaging in regular sexual intercourse.
Some comments included:
"Like something you would see out of a porno movie."
"I wouldn't like a daughter of mine to be engaging in sexual promiscuity before she was married."
"We are sexualising our young people. It's not normal."
"The Commandments are there to protect oneself and she feels sorry for the young girl in Normal People. If someone has sex in a relationship it changes the relationship. I felt very sad watching it."
"I'm a married adult and I thought it was awful to watch. I had to google the age of consent because they looked so young. It's filthy and I won't be watching the rest of it."
"These are children. A 17-year-old is a child and shouldn't be having sex."
(Listen back to the full interview here: https://www.rte.ie/radio/utils/share/radio1/21760687)
However, on Twitter there was a whole other story with tweets flooding in to praise the shows portrayal of the ‘real world’ and the way that important topics such as that of consent and contraception were dealt with.
So, why are Irish people so incapable of talking about one of the most natural things on the planet? Or are these listeners right — is sex something best saved for marriage, something not to be shown or spoken about? Sexual intercourse by definition is the physical act of sex between two people. Except you and me both know it is not that simple. Sex is, and will always be, one of the most complex yet also natural components of our world. We are all a result of this equation. But when did this act of reproduction and survival turn into an act of enjoyment? Have we always been such sexual beings? When in our history did sex become fun? And what is stopping Irish people from recognising that young people are doing it for that reason?
ANIMAL INSTINCT
Let’s bring it back.
Monogamy, having a sexual relationship with only one partner, is actually quite rare in the animal kingdom. Unlike humans, of the roughly 5,000 species of mammals, only 3 to 5 percent are known to form lifelong pair bonds, with others frequently having sex with other partners. ‘You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals / So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel’ – these lyrics from the 1999 song ‘The Bad Touch’ by the BLOODHOUND GANG refer to sex in an animalistic form and in a way they speak the truth: sex is a natural instinct. When we view animals and humans in their sexual nature, we see very different creatures – although the driving motive is the same. Asking why we have sex is like asking most of us why we eat, drink, or breathe. We are naturally programmed to want to do so, to need to do so – just like most of us are naturally programmed to want to have sex (excluding those who are asexual).
Unlike animals, we are now able to readily access contraception in a variety of forms. In 1980, in an extremely controversial vote, the Irish government defied the Catholic Church and legalised the sale of contraceptives. The ability to have sex without the result of reproduction is something a lot of us have grown up having as an option. However, for the older Irish generation it was a monumental occasion - 35 years later, this has led to wildly different perceptions and stigmas around sex across generations in Ireland.
"We are sexualising our young people. It's not normal." – this is one quote from the Liveline radio show debate that stuck with me. Sally Rooney isn’t sexualising our young people, neither are the producers of Normal People. The truth is that many seventeen-year-olds are natural sexual beings. But then we must ask the question who is to say what is a ‘valid reason’ to have sex? Young people are having sex for a variety of reasons: pleasure, love, lust, commitment, curiosity – the list is endless. Ireland is finally coming out of the age where marriage is the sole reason to have sex.
THE PROBLEM
So where does the real problem lie? In my eyes, it is in our inability to discuss sex beyond reproduction. As a society, we rarely discuss sex as an activity of pleasure, as something two people can enjoy simultaneously with the end result of them feeling good. Sex education in the Irish school’s curriculum is so limited it is almost non-existent. “Don’t want to get pregnant? Don’t have sex.” But like I said, it is just not that simple.
The Papal Cross in the Phoenix Park
We live in an Ireland where a same sex couple can get married, one where abortion is legal and one where 17-year-olds ARE having sex. The Church is so deeply rooted in our country’s history, it’s unsurprising we struggle to speak about something we grew up thinking was a sin. Now I’m not saying everyone should go around having sex with everyone; sex carries an emotional weight and it is important to understand the depth of vulnerability shared within that moment. But what I am saying is that the problem isn’t that young people are having sex. The issue is that our lack of conversation around the topic means that they could be having uneducated sex. And this lack of education is due to the fact that some generations in Ireland refuse to acknowledge our maturing attitudes towards sexual intercourse. Do you see what I mean?
Sex is natural, sex is fun, and sex is exciting, however, it can also be painful, scary and unenjoyable when done without proper understanding. The young people of today deserve to have a better understanding of sex before engaging in it. Don’t you think they should comprehend consent? Know their contraception options? They should not have to resort to hiding within the four walls of their bedrooms with headphones in and Pornhub on their phone screen. What is that teaching them? Nothing, only creating unrealistic expectations of their partners, twisted perceptions of sexuality, and further heightening their belief that sex is something dirty that should be kept a secret.
The fact of the matter is young people are having sex. Not all of them – but some are. There is no shame in it. Sex is natural. Sex is most certainly not a sin. Everyone of the legal age has the right to enjoy consensual sex without judgment – men AND women alike. Having sex for the first time at 17, 24, 35, or 42 doesn’t change the value of a person. Have sex when you feel like you are ready to do so in both a physical and emotional understanding. Once at the legal age, there is no right or wrong time to start – don’t let anyone tell you different. The comments which were made on that Liveline radio show are the type of comments that need to be eradicated from the discussion we have around sex. Let’s not turn a blind eye to this, let’s not leave 17-year-olds to learn from their mistakes, to face judgement. If we do anything productive as a country in 2020, I hope we rid our society of our taboos around sex.
Nicky Anderson
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